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February 6, 2011

Waiting, slowly waiting.  We have these grand ideas.  We have these grand ideas from the time we’re kids until when?  We have these grand ideas but then we let them go.  We let them go when we get a little older and life and all the mud and sludge drags us down.  We’ve let them go because they seem to be untrue, unreality, not reflective of the real world.  The real world is bills, kids, wives, husbands, pain.  All this interspersed with fleeting moments of happiness or joy.

So, to hold on to these grand ideas would require us to believe that the outcome of our existence could be primarily joy and happiness.  That seems unreal so we let them go.  It’s really just a fatalistic, pessimistic untruthful way of looking at the world.  Untruthful is to think it’s all candy, roses and soft pillows and sheets.  Untruthful is to think it is all pain, loss, and burlap sacks.  Somewhere in the middle is reality.  Somewhere in the middle is the acknowledgment that triumph does exist and that we can be the one who does.  Waiting.

Grand ideas…

Fanciful nonsense.  Rose colored glasses.  Naivety.  It’s all the same and it’s all unreal.  We have these grand ideas and then something inevitably happens that challenges these ideas.  We give up on the belief that God is good, that life is a gift, that family…

Bob Dylan said that he didn’t feel like he wrote any of his songs.  He said that the songs were just out there and were waiting for someone to write them down, so he did.  So ideas are the same.  A small bird perched on a branch nearby, two cars turning on blinkers at precisely the same instant, words you’ve seen a thousand times suddenly jumping off the page.  Simply put, some are nonsense and will be proven so if we live life with our eyes open.  Others are truth that will be tested.  Some of these ideas are ways of looking at life, some are ways of living life, some are actions to be taken and some are all.

So it’s waiting that’s the problem.  We meet with some heartbreak, both trivial and fatal, and the idea is abandoned.  The smooth road we traveled when coming upon the idea turns to a bone rattling, tooth jarring affair and all of a sudden the idea just seems silly.  Nothing, it’s nothing.  It’s waiting that’s the problem.  We lose sight and let go not because life got complicated.  We let go because life got complicated, we got tired and we stopped waiting for the idea to prove itself.

Slowly waiting…

I choose rather to be wrong than to may have been right.  I choose to trust that good speaks louder than evil.  I choose to slowly wait until these grand ideas have given birth to new ideas.  I choose to believe in the Grand Idea that I have.  I choose to slowly wait and allow this Grand Idea to shape me rather than pain and impatience.  I choose to believe that joy and happiness can define my existence.


From → General Thoughts

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