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Delight in the Trust

February 10, 2011

Am I the only one who has ever felt like a certain thing or a certain way?  You know, you feel like a musician but no one ever told you that your music was any good.  Maybe people told you but you never found anyone else to share in that dream to be an actual musician.  Ever find yourself doing something and doing other somethings and never doing that thing?

Ever felt out of place with every new turn trying to fit and trying to find?  Truth gnawing at the back of your head.  Refusing to admit that your problem isn’t anything but the unknown?  Refusing to admit that you feel out of place because you refuse to believe what you know.

I know that feeling well.  It has been my reality for 33 years now.  I saw an article this morning about an Iraqi immigrant who had a camera surgically implanted into his skull.  Well, you have to follow up on something like that so I went to his website.  Turns out the camera wasn’t the only thing this guy had done.  He had the entire country of Iraq mapped out in a tattoo on his back in a 24 hour performance piece.  On this map were thousands of little dots representing the thousands who have died in the most recent war there.  American casualties are represented in red and Iraqi casualties represented in green ink only visible under a black light.  This was to symbolize that these are largely forgotten or unknown to Americans.  It was a statement to humanity and not to politics and it was beautiful.

I sent this man an email just to tell him that I appreciated what he was doing.  I was overwhelmed while writing the email how unworthy I was of even telling an artist that I liked their work.  What’s so very off about that is I’ve always seen myself in an artistic light.  I’ve always seen myself as having a poetic mind.  It seems, though, that my seemingly most poetic moments have been treated as vapid mumblings by those I would hold in the highest esteem regarding my talents.

I’m not so sure if that’s really the case, although that is how I remember it.  In a previous post I said that who we are is an extension of the personality of God that He has not revealed before.  The enemy would resist us until our dying breath to keep us from showing the world the unique light that we have.

I feel inadequate, presumptuous of my talents, and very insecure.  I think that’s how God likes it, as far as how we feel about ourselves anyway.  I think it’s like this:  If God is going to be able to use us for His Kingdom we need to be in a place to trust.  This is not to mean that God wants us to be insecure.  He wants us to be secure in Him, to trust Him that these thoughts we have are there because He put them there.  Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”  There are a couple of ways to look at this verse.  One says that if we delight in the Lord then He’ll give us what we want.  The other, and I think more accurate reading, is like this: If we delight in the Lord He will place a desire in our heart.  The next verse says to “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act.”  The desire we have is God’s desire.  If we commit our way to the Lord, if we trust Him, then He will act on our behalf.

So these feelings of being out of place are misplaced.  These are feelings from without and not within.  If you’ve never found that place of rest and trust it could be that you have not realized where your thoughts and dreams are coming from.  If you’ve never found that place of rest and trust it could be that you have never found your delight in the Lord.  Look up the word delight in the context of Psalm 37:4 and ask yourself if that describes your feelings toward God.  We have to trust that God has a vision for our life.  We have to trust that our ideas and dreams are given to us by God.  We have to plow ahead even in the face of self-doubt, never doubting God.  Do you trust?  Do you delight?  Are you afraid to step out into the void that is faith?  Do you trust, do you delight?








From → Preachy Thoughts

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