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Self-Doubt and Hope

December 8, 2011

A funny thing happened to me in the 8th grade.  I was dating a girl in my class.  That is funny, but not my point.  I say dating loosely because you know how those relationships often worked back then.  I was too bashful to talk to her in person and would just stand around shuffling my feet.  We talked a lot on the phone.  One night we were supposed to talk and she wasn’t home when I called.  I just knew she didn’t really want to talk to me.  This was the first time I remember experiencing self-doubt.

Unlike the time when I was 3 and realized that my fingers were always slightly bent, even when I was relaxed, and I thought something was wrong with me, I never got over this self-doubt.  I’ve struggled with it since 8th grade.

Self-doubt is a dream killer and a call killer.

There are so many people in this world who are capable of great things but never get off the couch because of self-doubt.  I’m guilty, yet I’m not quite sure I’m capable of great things.

God is.

There is a great idea in Christianity that is both wonderful and maddeningly frustrating.  It’s that we are not really the ones doing great things.  It’s really God doing them through us.  It sounds great at first but then the reality of it sinks in.  If God is going to do something through us we have to actually do something too.  And that’s the frustrating part and where self-doubt can be a dream killer.

Elijah didn’t make fire come down from heaven, but he did say the prayer.  Sampson didn’t give himself great strength, but he did move his arms.  While we can’t do it by ourselves we have to be in position for God to do it.

When following a dream, or a call from God, the easiest thing to do is doubt yourself.  Questions like, what if I’m not good enough, what if no one likes what I write, what if no one likes the way I sing and what if I don’t follow through (that one’s especially for me) are all too easy to entertain.

What must be understood is that it’s not your dream in the first place.  It’s God’s dream and he wants you to be the person He uses to accomplish it.  Why do you think it’s all you can think about?  Why do you think every time you start doing it something happens to derail you?  It’s because the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of you is in your ear all day long telling you that you can do it.  It’s because Satan is walking about like a roaring lion seeking who he can devour.  That’s what self-doubt is.  It’s the devouring of a God given dream.

The next time you are seeking out your dream and you suddenly feel self-doubt you must understand where it comes from.  Then remember where the dream came from.

It’s not necessarily because of your talents that you have a dream.  It’s because of your dream that you have talents.  Let your mind rest.  Dreams do not serve talents.  Talents serve dreams.  We don’t guide the stone, but we do have to swing the sling-shot.

Have you ever had those times that you didn’t trust God to see His dream through?  How did you handle it?

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From → Preachy Thoughts

4 Comments
  1. Jeremy permalink

    Great post. As an artist I certainly struggle with this. Especially lately because I’m in the midst of starting a new musical project and have struggled with those doubts along the way. The funny thing though is when I realize it’s happening and give it to God, He always shows me something right away that shows me His hand in it all.

    • I’m forever tortured with self-doubt and yet always filled with hope. Most days I feel like my head is going to explode.

  2. okay so YESTERDAY i journaled this…like the very same thing!!! I’m facing my own Goliath and sorta spilled out to God that I thought He was gonna fight this one for me… to which he replied that David had to throw the stone. The stone is truth in my poetry sometimes and so yeah, i need to stand in truth with my goliath. i asked for affirmation. not gonna lie, was sorta hoping not to get it. yeah, thanks 😉 very odd that the few times i’ve seen your blog, it speaks to me. I’ll probably be back 🙂

    • I just had the same experience with one of Jon Acuff’s blogs. He echoed almost exactly what my wife and I had talked about the night before. One of the areas I’m learning to trust God in is that He’ll lead me where I need to go. I don’t need to stress every decision and shortcoming that I have. He put something in me and knows that I want to accomplish my task, and He’s not going to let fail.

      Glad to be of help… or not:)

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